Clarity Becoming Crystal Clear

When you begin dating visions of a life you cannot even see or predict begin to form. Romantic fantasies of a perfect scenario created from our individual ideas of what it will look like are a blur at first.

Add in real life and the vision often becomes muddied. Add in love and the clarity becomes crystal clear.

Time and choices take those visions + all those little details = and blend into a journey of living color.

David and I have been together for 2 years and 3 months. Our journey has been unconventional to say the least, but what a journey of love and passion it has become.

Two hard-headed, alpha personalities who love each other desperately, stand our ground fiercely, learning to pick our battles carefully, forgive often and choose love. 

Our life together is being fine-tuned and I am excited that purchases are being made for our life together.

3 + 3

School is back in session, thank God! There is balance with structure.

Mariah turned 20 years old last week and it was odd the realization of life changes that happen so gradually that all of a sudden life is on a different path.

Moments in life feel like a vapor. My life has had several before's and after's:

   Single then married.

      New life with a baby, Mariah was born.

         Then divorced.

            Surprise! Brooke is here.

That 18 year span of being a single mom, raising babies,building a life and the millions of details wonderful and not-so-wonderful that included.

Those 18 years felt like 50, then life shifts again.

Mariah is no longer a teen, but a young woman living her life in a direction filled with the things she loves, Jeremy.

Brooke is a Sophomore embracing new freedoms and just celebrated six months dating Alex.

Mariah's birthday dinner included both my daughters significant's for 1st time. As a mom, I felt that shift, it was obvious and I was more than aware of that detail all evening.

It makes me smile and embrace the new season in life we are entering. Each of us with significant's, independence, new freedoms, and our family growing. After 18 years of it being 3.

I embrace these wonderful additions.

Indescribable

How do you describe love? [Stop and really think about that.]

It is like trying to describe God. A God we cannot even wrap our minds around.

We cannot wrap our minds around God, creation, the universe, billions of details on our earth, and the invisible realm. Lists can be made forever on this subject.

In all David's analytical thinking and logic that has served him well in his life, he is struggling to grasp and wrap his mind around the logic of love.

The foundation of the Bible is written because of love. Wow, look at those stories and people God chose to use!

The power of love defies boundaries we cannot even grasp.

I know David loves me, I have been an important priority in his life for over a couple of years. A shift happened to him a couple months ago, as if a veil has been removed from his eyes and he went from logically loving me to the indescribable kind of love that defies boundaries.

Sometimes I feel as if I am the air he breathes. He needs me for strength and fulfillment. He doesn't love me because he needs me, he needs me because he loves me. And, I him.

When the shift happened, I confess I thought he was talking himself into being who he thought I needed and that this temporary, complete adoration would fall back into normal life.

It wasn't temporary. I feel as if I have a new partner when I thought I already knew him and I am learning this man that I love who went from loving me, to everything-is-different-in-so-many-ways loving me. Girls, there is a difference!

It doesn't mean we live in a protected bubble in life with everything perfect, by any means at all. There is just a power wrapped around us that continues to grow.

I understand what he is trying to grasp, when he actually gets frustrated trying to communicate to me, but has a hard time because he cannot logically explain love. But, how do you say, "I know exactly what you are talking about, because the very way you have truly fallen in love with me, I have been in love with you."

I guess I just accept indescribable love like God, you simply cannot describe Him.

Thank you, God, for love that makes a difference. xo

Our Best Photos

We were driving down the road pouring over photos in my iPhone and every time I saw him smile I asked to see what photo he was looking at.

Each photo holds a memory.

      A special day ...

           ... a funny moment we could laugh at.

Sometimes he cringed or I did because we didn't like the photo of our self.

A photo is like an olfactory scent, it takes you back to a time and place.

Sometimes the memory was not a good place. In those moments some of my favorite photos of David and I have been captured ...

I have thousands of photos from the last couple of years and truly our journey has been unconventional.

From this girl whose mantra has been "love is a verb," I have experienced the power of true love in the midst of our biggest storms.

Love is not a feeling. It is a verb, an action word, a choice and when I have been the most unlovable and unlikable are the most raw moments when truly I have felt the strength, the endurance, the perseverance, the substance and the power of love.

45

*Smile*  Life feels like the movie Groundhog Day when the years roll by like the days in the movie and we figure out how to do it better and better.

Today my body feels like it's 85 years old only because every muscle hurts from playing too hard. Riding a jet ski hard, opened up and skimming on top of the water takes muscle power and I am feeling every one of those muscles today. David and I are both sore all over. 

The best weather of the summer has been my vacation time off work, thank you, Jesus!

Each day filled with fun activities strategically coordinated to allow fun and quality time with family, girlfriends and David. My five days off work became so much more than I hoped for and the weather, perfect. 

What did I do? The question is, what didn't I do. That's how we play.

Work hard, play harder.

Classic Tulip

Weeks ago one of my favorite photo's titled Classic Tulip fell off my wall and the frame fell apart.

I'm not sure why I haven't put the effort into putting it back together, because when it fell I absolutely questioned in my mind if there was a parallel.

Perhaps there was.

It's time to put my frame back together.

Life Balance

Sometimes there are no words ... and it feels as if it has been forever since I have blogged. 

I miss it. I miss my routine that keeps me re-energized and at my best. 

Life happens.

Some things are too personal, too private, too much to share. Only a close few are sought out for understanding, wisdom, guidance and a voice of reason when reason escapes me.

This whole summer has been weird. It is mid-July and due to a 6-day week work schedule and constant rain I have not done even a 1/4 of the outdoor activities that makes summer feel like a well-cherished summer. 

I am not competing in Warrior Dash less than one month away. How could I when my endurance is not up to par as when I entered spring and felt as strong as ever. 

Blindsided. Blindsided. 

    I still feel as if I am finding my equilibrium.

 

          Will I have endless days to play in the sun still?

                 I was so steadfast and on track going 100 mph to be derailed.

             Out of balance.

          Questioning everything ...

     ... but God.

Today, it's raining and I am relieved. Windows open, the sun not shining, no place to go. Hair in a sloppy-knot, dressed comfy, no need to impress.

It's weird for me to feel indifferent. 

Sometimes the process of getting back to myself is doing the little things that bring balance that bring me back to my center. 

I'm figuring out what's in balance and what is out of balance to be well-balanced.