As a mom I have anticipated, planned, prepared, dreaded, and lamented over the next approaching milestone a year brings in order to buffer as much as mommy-powers can and prevent any unwanted emotions for my Brooke.
This is empathy. It is protection. It is compassion. It love for my little girl.
There are no rule books on how to handle each situation that arises or that prepares you for the dreaded unplanned moments that blindside bringing fresh tears and raw emotions to life again.
I’ve planned ahead and worried for today.
Does Brooke remember the anniversary date? I look into her eyes days ago to ask the question. Sometimes I forget to breathe when I am trying to look calm and happy. Inside the pressure in my chest wants to suffocate me.
Brooke answers very matter-of-factly, “Yes I remember, my calendar is marked.”
Calendar? Not prepared for her okay-ness which through me off, then she has a calendar?
Tonight Brooke will get her first spa experience of a mommy & daughter massage. We will get our massages, pick up ice cream sundaes on the way home where we will watch our DVR’d SpongeBob episodes in remembrance of her dad.
Today I woke up unexpectedly happy. Instead of dread, I woke up to the realization that our year of firsts is over!
We made it! The past year is now a memory.
Grandma drove Brooke to school today and sent me this email …
Driving Brooke to school we got about 50 raindrops on our wind shield...Just as we pulled up to her school she noticed a huge rainbow…( just beyond school parking lot) When she noticed it , it was vague....it become brighter and brighter and it almost glowed!!!! As soon as she walked inside the school , it faded......I told Brooke , I bet that’s from your Dad saying how happy he is in Heaven.....I made sure I didn't say it in a way to make her feel bad and she was fine with it.. While she ate her scrambled eggs she turned on sponge Bob ..:)
I haven't felt Keith's presence in over six months. Brooke said she hasn't either. Today though, we did get a message from heaven.
Love remembers.
