Hiccups

I never get hiccups. Ever. In fact, it has been years since I've had them.

For the last three days I have had hiccups off and on and when I was explaining I never hiccup, Eric said, "Maybe it is because of the baby?"

Mariah arrived 20 minutes later. I asked if the baby has been hiccuping and she said, "Yes, for days and was hiccuping on the way over here."

This grand baby and I are already connected in ways I don't even understand. Love it!

You are perfect in all of your ways

I fell in love with this sweet video the moment I saw it and this will be one of the many songs I cannot wait to sing to my grand baby.

A year ago I was planning my daughter's wedding shower and details to her wedding and here I am planning her baby shower, which I consider the welcome party to my grand baby.

To learn of hopes and dreams and hearts desires, I look forward to discovering and being present to share the heart and life of this little one who will be arriving soon.

Life has shifted and changed incredibly this year, many times, and a most significant event is about to happen in only a couple of months. I look around me in all directions assessing change and I see blessings and my life in a completely different place than my direction. My hearts desires and secret wishes for my own life come to fruition and my mindset changed in the process. My life changed. As if God plucked me right out of what I thought was my future and said, "No, here ..."

It wasn't easy and it wasn't comfortable. I trust Him it was necessary. He knows all things.

You're a good good father
It's who you are, it's who you are, it's who you are
And I'm loved by you
It's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am

Because you are perfect in all of your ways
You are perfect in all of your ways
You are perfect in all of your ways to us

You are ... 

A Lucky Mother's Day

For Mother's Day, my artistic Brooke created for me her artwork of us to our favorite song we sing together, Lucky by Jason Mraz & Colbie Caillat.

She actually created a video as well with her art coordinated with the music, but I cannot get it to share on this site.

I fell in love with this ...

A Wonderful Mother's Day

It was a wonderful Mother's Day! Sunshine, touring greenhouses, planting flowers and the day with my girls and family in laughter and loudness, delicious food and games.

Everyone made it so special! Time with my mom & dad, Eric who is a fount of love and adoration, my brother and nephew's humor, and my girls and Jeremy who made Mother's Day everything it is supposed to be, showered in love.

My Mariah made a beautiful post full of photos of the two of us and I was in awe feeling my grand baby move and turn in her ever growing belly and I was given a generous spa-la-la gift certificate.

Happy Mothers Day to my Amazing Momma!!💖🌸💖🌸💖
Thank you for everything that you are and do! For every role that fully embrace as not only a mom, but as a mom and dad for both Brookie and I, a mother-in-law, a best friend, the greatest support system, road trip buddy , mule 😉 and now a Grammy !😄💖🌸 I truly couldn't imagine life without you and I'm so blessed for the great relationship that we have, not only as mother and daughter but as best friends!💖🌸 Happy Mothers Day Momma, I Love You!!💕💕💕💕

Today begins her 3rd trimester and she is already bigger than I was full-term with both my pregnancies. What joy!

20 Years

I have been divorced 20 years ago today.

20 years.

That thought is hard to wrap my mind around and I can tell you when I was getting divorced I was confident I would be married again in a couple of years.

Life is a blur.

Life. Lessons. Memories. Fast forward and I am no longer 26 years old, rather 46 years.

Every single season in my life had a purpose transitioning me from a young person fine-tuning who I am today with tough life lessons being a single mom. It wasn't easy and there was no relief with 100% of the weight on my shoulders at all times.

Animals have babies. It takes a woman to establish a home and raise her children. I am proud of what I accomplished by myself.

I look back with no regrets, this journey has made me incredibly strong. I see my close and loving relationships with both of my daughters and I am grateful. When children wander from their parents, mine stay close to me.

My home established, my faith strong, my children nearly raised and a grand baby on the way ... life is comfortable in a I've-reached-the-end-of-the-tunnel-kind-of-way ...

... and I am still healthy and active to enjoy so much more of life.

I remember twenty years ago today, when I walked out of the courtroom, my best friend Charlotte and I went to Virginia Kendall State Park, put a blanket in the grass and laid there looking up at the sky that afternoon, I was mentally exhausted. I'm certain I was wondering what life was going to look like being a young mom and Mariah was only a baby.

Twenty years later, I know there are no words to tell my younger self what this journey would look like full of blessings and life lessons, but I would certainly say ...

... and love anyway. It is all worth it.

Three Words

I am getting ready for work when I realize Brooke still wasn't awake.

In a brisk walk of frustration to her room, I open her door and asked her like I do many mornings, "Are you getting up?!"

She said, "Mom, it's Saturday."

Oh my gosh, I have my days confused. I laugh and tell her to go back to sleep and she said, "You know, I heard that walk in my sleep and even though I was sleeping, I was still trying to figure out what day it was before you walked through the door."

My bad.

A Short Window of Time

The call came two days ago that Hospice came in to make Eric's mom as comfortable as possible. With congestive heart failure, pneumonia and renal failure they gave her two weeks. 

Only a day later, yesterday, they called and said she was unresponsive. 

It's odd how a person before they pass has a burst of energy where they have a short window of time of feeling slightly better before they take a turn for the worse. This happened last night, but we didn't know it was her short window of time, we thought she/we had two weeks.

I'm grateful I decided to drive down and see her after work last night before family arrived, flying in from all directions. I stopped and picked up food, beverages and milkshakes before I arrived at the nursing home and walked in like I always do with some sort of treats. 

Her eyes haven't been opened all day, but Linda knew I was there and I kissed her cheek and asked if she wanted a milkshake.  

God love her ... I was surprised how strong she was taking in those first couple of sips, then she polished off the whole shake! I was looking for lilacs to take her (her favorite flower) and couldn't find or buy them anywhere in bloom. Who knew that a milkshake was probably the best option?! 

She asked when I was coming back, she always does, and she asked if I'd bring her a breakfast sandwich just like the surprise breakfast I showed up with one morning.

Linda reminds me of my grandmother. My grandmother always remembered every detail of the little things I did for her, so does Linda.

I promised her I'd bring her a breakfast sandwich and another milkshake, too.

She asked Eric this morning if I was bringing her another milkshake and he reminded her I always do. That was in conversation before she went unresponsive today.

Everyone is waiting. Her health is failing. They gave her less than 24 hours. 

I hope she can hold on until tomorrow night, her son she hasn't seen in years is en route from California. She knows he is coming.

Every time the phone rings, I wonder ...

This weekend has a heaviness of loss. 

Of course, Brooke and I finally reached the very episode of Nashville tonight we both have not wanted to reach, when Rayna passes away. 

This show started off in a perfect way with unexpected twists and turns and story lines that captured our attention and turned into months of Nashville marathons. We were hooked! We've laughed, we cried, we have been angry, and blindsided so shockingly that we've sat with our mouths open looking at each other in wild-eyed disbelief. And, we fell in love. 

Brooke and I were a wreck watching this episode.

I love Rayna and Deacon. 

I love their chemistry and their love that endured. Rayna was the moral foundation and heartbeat of Nashville and we both agree, we are not interested in the direction of the show without her. 

I am blessed to have met Linda. She is the first mom I have bonded with in over 20 years since my mother-in-law when I was married. 

It is bittersweet. I am blessed I had the opportunity to meet her, establish a relationship with her and for her to see her son happy. A part of of me thinks how cruel, to have met her, bond so quickly and so sweetly and to only to have experienced it for a couple of months. 

My heart hurts.